Simple-Sigfried

Remember when I tried to kiss you?   Two A.M sitting in my bed,      Lit by candles         And a dream   That I could finally be happy.   You smiled,      And laughed,         And were irrefutably beautiful   And I swore I was going to marry you.   I leaned in to touch your lips      With mine         In a moment of genesis   Or genocidal fantasy.   The glass shattered,      And frost gathered         In the recesses of my heart   Where you once were. Oh, how I remember.

I find myself   Finding myself      In books         Written by a woman I'll never meet. I know what she looked like,   How she felt,      How she hurt,         But I don't know her. This woman,   This fantastic,      Chaotic,         Sensationalist beauty I'll never get to hold. I wish I could have said   I love you      Because maybe then         You'd have said it back. I feel so lost without you   Like a songless swan      Or a heartless human         Even though we never met. I want to know something.   Will you be waiting?      When I join you in death         I hope you're there. Because no one else ever w

You told me to smile    But my lips were sewn shut. Instead I drew the moon    And placed it in your eyes So they'd always shine bright. You told me to see the light    But I've been blind since birth. So I wrote you a song    And played it till my fingers bled So you'd know that I care. You told me to cut my hair    But I threw away my razors. Instead I made you dinner    And didn't say a word all night So you'd know someone listened. You told me to move on    But I'm afraid I can't. Instead I tore out my stitches to smile        I taught myself to see        I shaved my head for you        I painted          Played      

You sang to me in the moonlight, A wanton witch with a voice that shook Like honey-covered thunder and Reminded me of another. Each word came like the judgement bell, and the for the first time I truly heard Beauty in the voice of a girl whose eyes Held hostage to my senses. That night I was entranced, bewitched By winter winds and those ravishing refrains Which fell from your lips like golden leaves Caught in the grip of autumn. Let me hear you sing sweetly once final time That I might drift into the darkness in peace Or pieces and have you say once more that you will always love me dead.

I talk to you But it’s a different you. All the same But all so different. Different hair         Different eyes                  Different taste But the same laugh            Same smile                Same love A beauty beyond compare But inside I feel the cut of steel Though I see you standing there I know in my heart you’re not real

You’re a butterfly caught in a storm, Baby blue wings edged with black And chaotic in the extreme. A storm tossed beauty lined with lead Flying fruitlessly above an ocean red Sinking slowly into the sea. I'm a moth trapped in a jar, Fluttering against the glass On tiny broken wings. Your beauty brings you down, You’re silence where I’m sound And here when angels sing.

Why am I forsaken?       I saw the face of God;                Blind eyes                No tongue                White hair But through the fog I felt his stare.    Felt the way he looked at me,    Seeing all that I would ever be.    Cold, crisp lines of infinity    Trailing off into eternity. Under his gaze I trembled, Shrunk to a shadow And let myself get swept away In a sea of insecurities.     Am I pretty?     Am I fat?     A little slutty?     A little flat?     Too big?     Too small?     Not enough?     Got it all?       STOP I watch you flicker, flicker, flicker        Like the candles on my windowsill.    

Dearest Sarah,             I miss you more with every day,             I only wish that you'd have stayed.             We could have sat and cried together             But now you sleep, and sleep forever.             I understand the pain you felt,             Fell the call of the belt             Which hangs from ceilings, poles and rafters             And promises happily never afters.             But I resist where you gave in.             I wish one day we'd meet again.             With every pill and every poster             I feel the razor moving closer;             Planting kisses on my skin,             Begging me

I am a child of snow, An ice-touched queen With a heart that burns as Bright as summer and hot as hell. December calls with frozen chimes And songs of long dead travellers Trapped below a frozen lake where Sails flicker in static motion and history Gathers dust amongst the rigging of time. But the spring brings warmth and life and death To all things I know. The frost melts, the ground thaws And my heart begins to go cold against the heat of my chest. I am a child of winter, touched by the cold dead fingers of a witch Whose kiss tasted like the melting ice of the spring rains.